Muinin
by MelanthiaChase
Summary: Muinin is Gaelic for trust/faith/confidence in a person.  Milla and Chibs have always had faith in each other.  Oneshot, not part of the Milla/Juice Saga.


**I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.**

**This story is dedicated to Superdani, Verda Napoli and LittleRedAllGrownUp who offered me support and advice when I needed it. **

**You ladies rock!**

**Muinín**

"Is Chibs coming over?" I asked my Mom as she handed me the lettuce and gave Luann a weird look.

"Yes baby, it's a family dinner." I smiled wide as I tore the lettuce apart and put it in the bowl.

"Cool, after I finish the salad can I go upstairs and change?" I asked and Mom gave me a look.

"What you're wearing is fine. No need to change baby." She took a drag of her cigarette and Luann looked like she was going to die from holding in laughter.

"I'll be quick. Just pop upstairs once dinner is done." That was it, Luann burst out laughing and I was confused.

"Sorry, sorry it's just that she's so damn cute Gemma." Mom chuckled a bit and Luann crossed the room and hugged me. "My babygirl's in love. So damn cute."

She kissed the top of my head and I scowled. _In love, _I was not, _in love_. Chibs was just so cool and really hot with an even hotter accent and…dang it…

"Get offa me Luann, I've gotta finish with the salad." I was blushing beet red but Lu took pity on me and with a kiss to the cheek went back to chopping up the vegetables for the salad. I was silent as we resumed cooking. I didn't _love _Chibs exactly but I didn't _not _love him either. Eventually my face started burning as Luann continued to look at me and say "so damn cute" under her breath. I was thirteen, not a kid; she didn't have to think everything I did was so _cute_. After I finished the salad Mom let me escape so I went upstairs and decided to change.

I found my nicest, most "adult" sundress and hastily removed my jeans and tank top. Then I put on my "woman" bra Luann had taken me on a special trip to Oakland to get and the matching underwear. Once that was done and the dress was on I ran into my bathroom and put on a new coat of deodorant, some bodyspray and took my makeup bag out of its hiding place in the waterproof bag in the toilet tank. Dad said I was too young for makeup but Luann said it was never too early to learn the basics so she got me a small bag with some really good, kind of expensive stuff that I had to hide. I did the thing with the mascara and eyeliner she taught me and put a little blush on my cheeks then a bit of lipgloss. Dad could ignore everything else but if I had on red or even pink lipstick he'd be pissed. This I could potentially get away with. Once I was done I hid the bag again and went back into the bedroom where I tried to find the right shoes to go with the outfit. I found a pair of strappy straw sandals with a chunky heel, another present from Luann and put them on, being sure to take a few experimental steps. Once I was sure I wouldn't fall and break my ankle or my face I went downstairs and was immediately met by the overpowering stench of smoke. God I hated cigarettes. Why did every adult and pseudo adult like Jackson have to smoke them? I made it down the stairs and found a majority of the guys in the den. Jax and Opie were standing in the corner watching the everything with interest. I threw caution to the wind and walked up to Dad who was having a conversation with Uncle Tig and Chibs.

"Look at you. Why're you so dressed up babygirl?" Dad asked as he gave me a hug.

"I'm not dressed up, I just felt like wearing this." I pulled away and smoothed down my skirt.

"Well it looks nice darlin'." I grinned at Dad's praise and looked over to see Tig studying me while Chibs was looking at me over the tops of his sunglasses; I felt my stomach do a little flip and looked down before I blushed.

"Yer' pretty as can be Tiny." Chibs had taken to using Otto's nickname for me and for the first time it didn't bother me that someone drew attention to my smallness.

"Thank you." This time I did blush and Chibs smiled while Tig let out a bark of laughter which stopped abruptly.

"What's wrong with you man?" Dad asked and Tig calmed down.

"Nothin's wrong, just hangin' out." He looked down and had a smirk on his face. Great, Tig figured out what Luann did, just great.

"I should go to the kitchen." I_ so_ needed to get out of there.

"Alright, tell your Ma we're starvin." I nodded and kissed his cheek before I hurried out of the den, mortified by Tig's laughter.

During dinner I was quiet. I didn't want to gain too much attention from Luann or Tig but couldn't seem to help it. Somehow I had been seated between Chibs and Jax and I was extremely nervous, there were butterflies in my stomach and I barely ate. Chibs was apparently concerned by my lack of appetite and tried coaxing me to eat throughout the meal, unaware that his extra attention was making things worse. As soon as I could leave the table I made a run for it and dashed outside to Dad's workshop. Once I made it through the door I sat on a stool by the bench and rested my head against the surface, trying not to cry. I didn't succeed so I wound up crying my heart out as moved my arms up and rested my head on them. There was a knock at the door and I ignored it, I didn't want anyone to see me like this, I was already embarrassed enough. The knocking stopped and I was happy about it until I heard the door open. I looked over and Chibs was standing in the doorway. Great, I just knew it was going to get worse.

"What's the matter Tiny? Did Tig bother you?" He had genuine concern in his voice and that created a new wave of tears. "Wha's that, don't cry."

He walked up to me and took me in his arms. I had wanted this so I didn't fight it but I was so embarrassed I could have died. He didn't understand my reaction so he ran his hand over my head.

"Tig can be a right bastard. Between you and me I think he likes pickin on you because he knows you can't take 'im. I can take him to the ring if you want." I laughed at that. Dad tried to keep me out of the majority of Club stuff but I knew that the guys worked out their differences and arguments in the ring. I'd had to help Mom with Dad's hands and face often enough.

"I'm used to Tig, he's not the problem." I moved away and wiped my face while Chibs took off his scarf and finished cleaning me up.

"There, still pretty as can be. Clay's gonna have his work cut out for him when you grow up. You'll break hearts girlie." He smiled and I felt my heart drop. I was a kid to him, a little kid. I wouldn't let that assessment stand, not if he was going to be my husband someday.

"I'm already grownup, I'm thirteen." I said indignantly and he laughed.

"Aye, ya think yer grown up but yer still a sprog. You'll be grown soon enough and you'll miss this." He cupped my cheek and leaned down to kiss the other one. "You are a little beauty though and looks like yer' feelin' better. You should go in to your Ma, she and Lu are worried."

I didn't want to go back. He'd just kissed me and I wanted time to memorize it, but I also wanted to enjoy being alone with him. I moved in and hugged him, running my hands under his cut and he just stood there.

"What're ya doin' Tiny?" He asked softly and I buried my face in his chest.

"Hugging you." I said simply and he gently moved me away.

"I know yer' huggin' me Milla." He gave me a kind smile, the kind of smile you give kids when they put the block in the square hole or get a gold star. Not the kind of smile I wanted.

"I like you, I wanted to hug you." His look turned more serious.

"I'm twenty years older than you Milla, yer' still a little girl. My president's little girl." He said slowly and carefully and I felt my face heat up.

"I'm not a little girl! I'm thirteen, a woman! I like you and it's ok for you to like me back." I reasoned with him and he still had that same smile on his face.

"I do like you Tiny, yer a good kid and will be a beautiful woman someday but I don't _like_ you, not like you want." I started crying again. No, he was going to marry me someday, I'd already made plans. "Don't get me wrong lovey, yer' such a little beauty, I know yer' gonna grow into a beautiful woman and we're all gonna have to watch out for ya. I'm flattered you care so much about me but this is it darlin', you gotta let this go."

"But…" I couldn't think of anything else to say. He'd already said it all. I liked Chibs but he'd put his foot down, there would never be a chance for us. It hurt…a lot.

"Go to the house Tiny, I think Lu wants to have a talk with ya." He was giving me an out; he wanted me to save face. Taking it for what it was I ran for it but once I got in the house I bypassed the kitchen and ran straight to my room, ignoring Jax's call when I pushed past him. I couldn't deal with him right now; I had a broken heart to fix

* * *

><p>"What are you doing here?" I asked as I opened my dorm room door. Chibs just smiled and sauntered in.<p>

"Just thought I'd stop by. Goin' on a trip?" He asked as he looked at the luggage I had set up around the room. I was leaving but I didn't want him to know that.

"Now's not a good time Chibs." I had to meet Carmen in the Quad in half an hour, then we were going to the airport. She was going to take me around the world.

"I bet not. The little brownie's probably expecting ya." He turned and I stared at him, "Don' look like that, you know Luann doesn't do secrets, not where yer' concerned."

Shit, I should have known that she'd blab it all to Mom. I watched as Chibs moved my large bag off the bed and set it in front of him and started strategically placing clothes in. He'd gotten it a quarter of the way packed before I had the courage to speak.

"You here to take me home?" I asked, afraid of his answer.

"No, I'm here to talk to ya, your Ma thinks you'll listen to me. If you wanna go I'm not stoppin' ya." He finished with the stack on the bed and moved to the dresser where he took out a drawer and resumed.

"This is my chance to see the world with the woman I love. More than that it's my chance to be with her. You know how everyone feels about this." I pleaded with him and he looked at me over his sunglasses while he folded a shirt.

"Aye, I know Tiny. The world's a big place and you deserve to see it all but you know what'll happen if you leave?" He asked and suddenly my heart stopped. He nodded then continued. "You know."

"Chibs, I just want to be with her. I can't do that here; there are too many things…" He just nodded, letting me work things out for myself.

"You want to leave the family Tiny? You know it's breakin' your Da's heart and your Ma's on a rampage. Jackieboy was ready to come here himself and strap ya to the bed. What about Ellie and Kenny, could you leave those two? There's also Bobby and Tig to consider. Bloody Hell, what about me Tiny? You think it wouldn't hurt us all to lose you girlie?" He threw the shirt he was folding and I felt tears in my eyes as I sat down next to him on the bed. As I started to cry he held me in his arms. "You still wanna go?"

"I wanna go home." I whined pitifully and felt Chibs grin as he pressed a kiss to my head.

"Tha's why I brought the van, figured you'd change your mind once things were made clear. What're you gonna do about the brownie bitch?" No one would say her name she was either "the dyke", the "brownie bitch" or Tig's favorite "waste of a good gash".

"I'll tell her the truth. I can't leave my family." I wiped my eyes and he took a tissue out of my box on the desk and helped me clean my face.

"Good, cause we can't lose ya'." I smiled and he helped me pack a more reasonable bag for the weekend, I'd be resuming class again on Monday but I needed to reassure my family that I was in it forever. Carmen wasn't going to like it but if she loved me she'd have to deal.

* * *

><p>"That was weak." Chibs taunted as Juice tried his left hook. They were doing some bag work to keep Juice tuned up for the party this weekend, Thief River was coming for a visit and they had new prospects. The guys wanted to show off SAMCRO's prospect and his skills in the ring.<p>

"What about this?" Juice lunged and landed a solid right which made Chibs grin.

"Good one, now try some side jabs." He pushed the bag toward Juice again and Juice grunted.

"I'll jab you." He grumbled and I laughed which caused him to look over and give me a grin and offered Chibs the perfect opportunity to push the bag roughly into him.

"Pay attention to the bag ya faggot." He held the bag and Juice gave some jabs before he let out a frustrated groan.

"I'm sick of this; the bag doesn't do shit for me. I wanna spar." He threw down his hands and Chibs nodded.

"Let's spar then prospect. Let's go to the ring." Juice nodded and I followed them out. Before Juice got in the ring he took off his shirt and handed it to me.

"Hold that for me baby." He requested before he leaned down and gave me a deep kiss. I groaned as he moved away and he grinned before he scrambled up into the ring.

Chibs took off his cut and shirt and placed them on the side of the ring before he got into the opposite corner. As I stood there and watched Tig ambled over and stood at me elbow.

"What the hell is Chibs doin' with my prospect?" He asked and I smiled.

"They're gonna spar." I said as I watched Juice do some flexing and footwork to remind Chibs that he was younger, fit and had training. Chibs just looked bored.

"Don't break my prospect Chibs! I've almost got him potty trained!" I rolled my eyes but watched as Chibs grinned before he signaled to Juice that he was ready to go.

The first few punches were experimental like they always are in a fight but these two had sparred so many times that they quickly fell to old habits. Juice used his youth, stamina and raw power and Chibs used his years of experience to counterbalance that. I stared at them transfixed by the grace and raw power each exhibited, then it hit me. I was watching my past fight my future. Chibs was the first person I had a real, true, lovesick infatuation with. I thought I was going to marry him and have little Scottish babies who would grow up to have his accent. Now I had Juice, a man who was handsome, in an unconventional way, with a smile that could drop me at a hundred paces, who loved me without reservations and I loved him just as much. I'd never been happier to not get something I'd wanted.

"I hate to admit it but Juicy's good." I turned my grin to Tig. He looked sick to his stomach to admit it but I just accepted it.

"Yeah he is." He rolled his eyes and made his way back to the garage as I watched the fight resume. Both men were getting tired and Juice was collecting a few bruises but they were surprisingly well matched. Eventually, Chibs hugged Juice and that was the end of it. They grinned at each other and Chibs ruffled his hair.

"Get this cut. Yer startin' to look like a fairy." He pushed him away and Juice climbed down and came up to me.

"I'm gonna shower babe. Wanna join me?" He asked and I smacked his shoulder.

"I would, but you know the consequences." He grinned, swooped down for a kiss then went into the clubhouse while I held his shirt. Once he was inside Chibs came up to me and put an arm across my shoulders.

"He's a good boy. He'll make a good Son." He kissed the top of my head and I smiled. He'd just given his blessing, he wanted me with Juice. He walked into the Clubhouse and I followed close behind whistling as I entered the space. I went to Juice's room and lay down on the bed as I waited, happy about how the day was turning out.

* * *

><p>I walked into the clubhouse, sick and emotionally wrecked while Jax followed closely behind. I tried to run once I caught some of the Sons in the room looking at me but Jax took my shoulders in his hands and physically turned me around. As we approached the bar Chibs came walking up to us with a smile on his face.<p>

"I hear congratulations are in order! Where's the groom-to-be?" He asked and I burst into tears. "What's that all about?"

"She turned him down." Jax said as he deposited me on a bar stool and Chibs sat next to me while Jax wandered further into the room, not the least bit happy with me.

"Turned him down? Jesus Mills, I thought you loved the goofy bastard." He motioned for two beers and put one in front of me while he opened his.

"I do Chibs, I love him more than anything…but marriage? I hate everything about it. The dresses, the ritual, the _ownership_. I can't do it and I don't know why Juice would want to. Our lives are already permanently connected." This caused Chibs to laugh.

"He already owns ya' Tiny. Why not just get the paper and be done with it? This means somethin' to your man that alone should be reason enough to say yes." He took a pull and I peeled at the label on my beer.

"I love him but I can't do that." I said quietly and Chibs got somber.

"You ever wonder why we didn't beat Juicyboy to a pulp for messin' with ya?" I shook my head, I assumed that they didn't because he meant something to me and was the only one who could keep all the tech stuff running. "It was because we knew no other man, woman, or colour out of space would ever come close enough to being right for ya'. He's the only one Milla."

"You think he's good enough for me?" I asked and Chibs chuckled.

"Na, no one's good enough Tiny, but he is _right_. So drink up, get shitfaced and start again tomorrow. Cause if I know the boy he won't give up til yer walkin' down that aisle." He took another pull and I opened my beer. I didn't know about anything else but getting shitfaced sounded like a plan.

* * *

><p>"You want me to wait out here?" Chibs asked as I got off his bike and handed him my helmet.<p>

"No, I'd feel better if you came in the house. I don't really feel like being alone." He nodded and followed me in the house. Once I was sure he was fine in the dining room I walked upstairs to my old bathroom and started the shower. I let the room fog up while I mechanically undressed. I made sure to take my jeans and panties off slowly. I was sore and didn't want any more discomfort. Juice had given me what I needed last night and I was paying for it now in the cold, harsh light of morning. As I showered I had the same thought rushing through my head, almost too fast to grasp but too frequent to ignore. Donna was dead and I'd never see her, hug her or laugh with her again. I broke down and stayed in the shower until the water had gotten cold. Eventually, I forced myself up enough to shut off the water and sat there until I started to shiver. I was as cold outside as the numb had made me inside. I got out of the shower and mechanically walked into the bedroom and picked up a pair of khakis with a long sleeved t-shirt. Once I was dressed I felt slightly better but was still empty. Once I knew I looked somewhat human I walked downstairs to see Chibs with two cups of tea and a full ashtray.

"Thought you could use a cuppa. Didn't Irish it up though." He pushed the cup in my direction and I sat down.

"Thanks." I said quietly and Chibs merely nodded.

"Want to go straight to Ope's?" He asked and I took a deep breath.

"I need a few minutes. I'd be no good to the kids or Opie right now." I looked at the tea, it was dark and smelled strong just the way I liked it. I took a tentative sip and it was just hot enough and not scalding. I sipped and he stared at me. "I'm fine."

"Yer not even close to fine girlie. What's goin' through that pretty little head of yours?" He asked and I sighed.

"I think I'm going crazy. I can't stop thinking about her and when I do I go completely numb and the only thing that snaps me out of it is pain or sex. I need to pull myself together but I don't know how." I put some sugar in the tea and stirred it while he gave me a long, steady look.

"Yer not goin' crazy darlin'. Ya just need to find some balance, I know Juicyboy will be with ya every step of the way and ya have us. We won't let ya go to the dark place again. Finish yer tea, we'll head over to Ope's the kids need ya and ya sure as shit need the kids." I nodded and finished off the cup while Chibs stood and took the cup from me. Once he'd cleaned the cups we left and went to Opie's. He stayed until he was sure I was alright, yeah he visited with Ope and made a show of checking in with Mary but his eyes were on me and once he saw that I wasn't falling apart he left. He didn't have to say it but I knew if I needed him he'd be at my side. I could always trust Chibs to do what was best for me.

* * *

><p>"Yes Elliot, everything's fine here. I took notes on the meeting and I'm just waiting to get home." I said as I hung up my coat. I'd just walked a block to go to a deli Juice had told me about and the blizzard outside had taken a five minute walk and turned it into half an hour. I was a California girl, I was not meant for snow.<p>

"That's great. Once you get back we'll have a status meeting. Tristen has choir practice so I have to go but promise me you'll call when you find a flight." Elliot requested and I smiled, I'd be calling a ton of people when I got to leave the wintry hellhole that was Newark.

"Will do, talk to you later Elliot." He said his goodbyes and we hung up.

Once the call was over I sat on the bed with a book and decided to calm myself down. Juice had called me a few hours before so I didn't expect him to call again until later. Ever since I'd come to Newark on this business trip he'd been calling constantly. Luckily Dad was finding him more stuff to do so I got a little bit of peace and quiet. I had almost finished with my book when my phone rang insistently, the ring tone was "Can't Help Falling in Love with You" so I knew my husband was calling. I put down my book and picked up. If I let it ring there was a good chance he'd call the Newark Charter and tell them I was missing.

"Hey baby, I'm in bed reading. I had dinner at a diner near the hotel and I'm planning on calling room service for a snack. How are you doing?" I went down the checklist of what he usually asked me.

"That's good to know baby." There was something in his voice. He was upset about something.

"What's wrong honey?" I asked as I put the book on the night stand so I could focus all of my attention on Juice.

"There was an accident at the garage baby. A van blew up. Chibs got out but he wasn't fast enough." I started breathing heavily and was cold. Nothing could happen to Chibs, I loved him too much to lose him like I'd lost Donna.

"Is he?" I couldn't finish the thought.

"He's alive baby but it's touch and go, they have him in ICU. Are you ok? I could get on a flight and go to you." God I loved him.

"They need you there and there are still no flights in or out of Newark. Have you seen Chibs? God how did this happen baby?" I felt a headache start behind my eyes and I felt like throwing up.

"We don't know but we'll figure this shit out. I just want you to stay there, be calm and find a way home. I need you home. I need to know you're safe."He practically pleaded and I took a deep breath.

"I'll be home as soon as possible. Can you keep me updated on his condition?" I asked and willed my heart to calm down.

"Yeah baby, Clay's calling me but I love you and as soon as I can I'll go see Chibs and let him know you love him. Let the baby know how much I love it." I smiled and felt some of the tension leak out of me.

"I will I love you and the baby loves you. Be safe." He said goodbye and I hung up the phone as I took a deep breath.

Chibs was in the hospital, someone blew him up. I needed to see with my own eyes that he was still alive. I grabbed my phone again and called the airport for the millionth time since I got stranded. Chibs needed me and I would be there for him. He'd never let me down before and I'd be damned if I'd let him down.

* * *

><p>I walked into ICU eager to see Chibs. The last time I visited I ran into his wife and he slept the whole visit, now I wanted to see him awake and Tara said this was a good time. I asked the nurse if it was ok to visit and she let me in. He was sleeping so I decided to wait around.<p>

"Bloody hell…" I heard his voice from the bed and took a deep breath. Now I had a chance to see him so I got up and went to be at his side. As I got close I saw his eyes open slightly. "Tiny?"

"Yeah Chibs I'm here." I wiped the tears that had pooled in my eyes away and when he put up his hand I took it and placed it on my cheek.

"Thought you were an angel." I smiled and kissed his hand.

"I'm just Milla. How're you feeling?" I asked him as I kept his hand pressed to my face. I thanked any deity that would listen that he was awake and conscious enough to talk to me.

"Silly question. Love you Tiny." He was unconscious again so I kissed his hand again before I set it back on the bed then leaned down to kiss his cheek. I had to smile, if it would have been a different world and I had been older maybe the man in front of me would have been mine. I chuckled at the thought before I quietly left the room and made my way down the corridor to the elevator that would take me to where the man who did belong to me was laying in bed probably watching Animal Planet and bugging the nurse for more morphine.

* * *

><p>"You know Chibs, you don't have to hold her the whole time." I said as I watched the Scotsman cradling my baby in his arms. I'd discovered recently that he really liked holding her.<p>

"No problem, I kind of like the little Sprog. Kerianne had skin like this when she was born. Like caramel. Esperanza reminds me a bit of my girl." I smiled and put my hand on his arm.

"We're honored by the comparison. Juice said Kerianne's smart, funny and good at poker. Sounds a lot like her Da." He grinned at me and rocked Espy when she fussed a bit.

"I wish I coulda been there for her. Fucking Jimmy." His face went dark then turned serene. "Doesn't matter anymore I have my girls back."

"Yeah you do. When're you heading back to Belfast?" I asked and he got a grin on his face.

"In a couple of months, we need to check in and do some work with SAMBEL. We never needed Juicyboy more." Now it was time for my smile to falter. I'd never needed him more either.

"I'm sure Kerianne's excited to have you back in her life. I know I can't wait to have my Dad back." I watched him cuddle my daughter and didn't feel the urge to snatch her back like I had so much lately.

"I talk to her a coupla times a week, it's slow but I'm gettin' ta know my daughter. She wants me to bring pictures of this little one. She was promised." I smiled, of course Juice had told everyone who would listen about his baby. There were many times when he was more excited than I was about her during the pregnancy.

"We'll send a care package. I know her friend's are over there and Fiona has so many ties, but did you ever think of bringing them here? I'd help Kerianne transition in any way possible and we'd find something for Fiona. I just want you happy Chibs and I know having your family would make you happy." He gave me a smile and shook his head.

"Maybe someday they'll move here but until then I'm just happy havin' them in my life again. Besides we have enough to get used to with this little one around and Lyla learnin' the ropes. You're gonna be overloaded princess." He smiled and for the first time in a long time there was real joy there.

"Maybe so but I'd love to get to know your girls." He smiled wider and I found myself grinning.

"I'm sure they'd love to get to know you too."

**Author's Note: **I honestly tried to keep the muse at bay but she would not rest. After Verda Napoli, (awesome and amazing author by the way. check out her stuff.) suggested Chibs he would not leave my head and I tried to think of a good reason for him to be so integral in her life. I've always thought that she had a crush on him. Think about it, he's a Scottish badboy with interesting scars and that amazing accent. Of course she wanted in on that. Now I'm going to see if the muse is interested in any of my long running stories or crossovers because otherwise these oneshots are just going to keep coming. As always thank you for reading and I love your reviews.


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